I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
