How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
