her vagine was all disorganized.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
