Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
