The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
