I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
