Apparently you make a good broom.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
