is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
