I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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