I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
