last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
