I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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