When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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