I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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