I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
