I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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