piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
