i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
