She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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