So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
