Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
