I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
