Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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