Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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