I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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