just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
