you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
