So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
