she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This is classic penis vs brain.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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