We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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