if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
