Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
