I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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