omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
