Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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