You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
