I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
