Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
