This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
