I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My vagina just clenched in fear
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
