Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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