i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
