I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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