I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
