I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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