Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
