I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
