I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
