Need sex. Gaining weight.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
