I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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