ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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