he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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