u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
And then he peed in my hair
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