awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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