well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
