Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
