okay pat passed out under dana's car
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
